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1. I have a theory that pet owners have a harder time finding SO's.… - dmv/blogs/lj — LiveJournal

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January 26th, 2004


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08:07 pm

1.I have a theory that pet owners have a harder time finding SO's. How do you feel about that theory?

We'll qualify that with good pet owners, and you'll see the cause for the qualification. I agree. But I think it isn't about pets so much as the type of relationship bond. I propose that the cause is in line with the causes why it seems like single mothers have trouble dating. Feel free to disagree, but judging from the various online dating sites, there is a pretty disproportionate representation of single mothers. It is a matter of obvious priority conflicts. Clearly, the child or the over-loved pet is going to be the focus of one's life, and that kind of competition is not a turn-on. Corvis is going to be more important to me than a potential girlfriend for quite some time into a relationship (he won't leave me).

At the same time, the responsibilities of pet ownership (or children, or an infirm parent, etc) cause a change in social priorities. Before I had a dog, I spent a lot of time doing work in coffeeshops, or just going out and doing stuff. I was never a home-based person. But since the dog, there is now a nagging guilt when I'm away. I now feel far more comfortable doing my reading or art in bed (or other spots throughout the homestead) where the dog can get to me if he wants to. Weekends in the summer can be satisfied by sitting out in a park with him running around. And while that sounds all nice and homey -- I'd rather curl up and watch a movie at home than go out drinking, say -- that makes me hard to find and hard to meet other people.

So not only have I limited my chances of meeting a potential SO, I've raised the bar for the prospect to stick around. I know this now, but that is not cause for me to regret my decisions.

2. You seem reserved and thoughtful when you speak. Name a time where you spoke before you thought and explain the consequenses.

Talk to ommkarja, and let us tack this on as yet another reason I am hard to date. I do try -- it is my nature -- to be quiet and thoughtful, sure. To me, part of the draw of the whole personal intimacy thing (and I mean more than just lovers -- close friends apply) is to be able to relax my guard. It is core to me that actions are the means by which one expresses how one really feels on a particular subject. To an intimate, as a part of establishing intimacy, I try to be less opaque, let one in on part of the processes behind what I do -- and so my words have less consideration on how they will be interpreted. Occasionally, frequently, whatever, this may hit a nerve and those hits have been the root cause of most of the fights I have ever had.

And so I apologize that I can not think of any particular incident that I would feel appropriate exposing. I hope this exposition satisfies the nature of the inquiry.

3. Are there drawbacks to your current employment situation? If so, what are they?

Plenty. Most of them are probably hard to describe -- they are odd psychological quirks, mostly. For example, there is an odd sense of being out of place -- my role is fairly distinct in the academic world. As I describe my job, I do the stuff that the grad students can't write papers about. And while I relish the freedom that I am granted by such a position while managed by a not very good manager, I also often feel adrift. The work rarely inspires me -- I've confused it as having lost my ambition -- and as a closet workaholic, that can dramatically affect my mood. I rarely have deadlines, or ones I can't put off, which is fine but the lack of structure and lack of feedback are performance detrimental.

There is also the nagging sense of being stuck. When I was a freshman, there had recently been a student video created, Escape from CMU (based on the Escape from {NY,LA} series), and one of the lines about it (CMU being a prison colony type thing): "If you don't leave in four years you become staff". And while most CMUers no longer know about that or feel that way... well... I did. As have others. And while I look at myself and can't really find much to complain about the standard of living and personal health/development I've achieved as a result...

And there is the temporary nature and the lack of advancement options. I could possibly take a serious paycut and become a gradstudent, but I'm not really working in a field I care overly much about. And when being an indentured gradstudent is considered advancement...

4. How many times have you been to the zoo since you've moved within walking distance?

I have been twice. I would certainly go again. But as we're on a bittersweet mood here, my last visit added a spectre such that I have been mostly uninterested in going alone. I took Sarah to the zoo, her first time, and then we went home and broke up, although the whole day was a desperate act to ignore the fact that relationship had already dissolved.

It is worth noting that it is not exactly as close as it seems, which is disappointing. I am close enough to hear the roar of the lions at night, and the park I walk my dog has the train run by. But the zoo was in no way designed to encourage foot traffic, and to get to the entrance of the zoo one must walk all the way to Route 8, and then walk through the entire extended parking lot.

5. (Hypothetical situation) You've lost your money, your job, and all items of value that you own. Your reputation in your field has been muddied, and no one will hire you to do anything related to your current studies. Your family refuses to help you. What do you do now?

Perhaps you haven't been keeping track, but my various career possibilities and my current studies have only tenuous ties. Likewise, I'm having trouble imagining my family turning against me, because of who they are. Nevertheless, I hope that before I become completely stripped of everything that I run away long enough to leverage something. If I really was turned away by everyone and everything, I'd probably recuperate in a library to build up a knowledge and interest that might present some opportunity -- and, of course, continue to do all I could to reestablish myself in the eyes of any kind of employer, my family, and my friends.

Dysphoric has been my favorite word this past week. Anyone else have questions? I owe some people interviews, and I'm working on them in the back of my mind, but I am afraid I am not very good at them. I get very...
Current Mood: dysphoric
Current Music: Elliot Smith - Needle in the Hay

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Comments:


[User Picture]
From:qiika
Date:January 27th, 2004 05:56 am (UTC)
(Link)
So I don't think you've yet inteviewed me. Hit me!

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