dMv (daemonv) wrote,

Ah, there's the rub

Its the last week of classes.

It looks pretty certain I'll be working for seth. Uncertain is for how long, and on what. Long enough, and I want to be useful is all the commitments I've made. Because at this point, all I know is that I really would like to be useful and to be doing something of value.

I apologize to those few who actually care what's going on in my life. Its all in my head, see, and very little of the next few months is uncertain anymore. And its not that if I commit it to paper it won't happen -- far worse. It is that while everything is in my head I may be optimistic. I may be in denial. Once reported, it may as well be true, and there are certainly a good number of things that I am in denial about. I can't count them, obviously. I just don't want to see the truth and risk "is that it"?

It is hard to be a tortured artist when everything goes pretty well. It is hard to construct useful political commentary when the existing system works. And so one must become frustrated with one's lack of frustration. In a closed feedback loop can madness truly becomes trivial, as all things become trivial.
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