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August 30th, 2004

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05:28 pm - Roomies for the Recluse
Exchange between macbastard and myself, made public because it is worth making clear and public.
I don't suppose you want a long term room mate, do you? ;)

In a word, and no offense intended: no. It has become clear that I have
come to hold the pleasures of living alone too dear. For as long as
my style of living make it possible, I hope to continue to do so.
It is not you, its me. It is going to have to be many years into
another relationship before I would entertain the notion again even
with a significant other.

I returned to the US, lovely Logan, on Friday, and drove back to Pittsburgh with reticello and his worldly possessions. I was amazed to discover that my housemate of August, macbastard had not only found a new place to live, but had even moved. Useful, because reticello takes his place as Housemate of Indefinately Duration with Inspecific Rent-Exchange Requirements but the Understanding that This is not a Longterm Solution (HIDIRERUTLS). I love reticello like a brother, and macbastard is growing on me, but it became clear that I've become excessively accustomed to having control of the entire space, freedom of movement and action of a way that can not be obtained with anyone other than corvisdog present.

I really like having a guest room. My parents keep one, and it feels like the right thing to do. I can easily host out of town visitors, and the level of invasiveness and comfort makes it an easy offer to extend -- and I believe accept. It is an open offer to anyone I meet -- certainly to anyone who reads this. But there is a psychological difference between having people who are visiting, and those trying to live, regardless of how long they actually stay.

None of this is to say that I regret opening my house to Peter (macbastard) or Dave (reticello). Peter had a very tricky situation with the impending start of his master's program at CMU -- looking for housing solutions for one lowly gradstudent, or housing for three (one being a 9-year-old), and not knowing which one until the last moment and to be determinable only by spending more time in the Burgh. The logistical and emotional complications of that entire affair gain nothing but sympathy from me... well, and a good deal of relief that the situation is not my own.

And Dave? I'm responsible for him taking the huge step of moving out here. I've lived with him before, travelling -- and effectively at times during high school, where the guest room was refered to as his room by the family (and there were beds at both of his parents' for me). And I'm responsible for bringing him out here, with no formal job and no other social network. There is no question that he has a place to stay for however long he wants. There is just some relief that he too wants to have a place that is not mine, because I could not argue against his living rent-free with me (at least until we can pay him a salary).

And corvisdog in all this? He's happy to have me home. He missed me. At this point in my life, he is the only thing I really want to have greet me every time I come home.

(2 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:August 30th, 2004 05:45 pm (UTC)
When I was telling robots_suck that I wanted to live by myself, I felt like I was breaking up with her. I kept wanting to say things like, "It's not you, it's me. Really. I just need more space. I still want us to be friends."


But I have to say that living alone is, in a word, awesome.

Also, you've probably noticed, but your comment page is in Russian. How annoying is that?

[User Picture]
Date:August 30th, 2004 08:08 pm (UTC)
your comment page is in Russian. How annoying is that?
It was cute while I was studying the language. At this point, it is probably more frustrating to everyone else with little benefit for myself. Changed.

And yeah, Dave is out of town for the week so, if I ignore the boxes, it is back to just the dog. I think we'll watch a movie on the wall now.

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