To the person who had balloons sent: Thank you. Why haven't you claimed responsibility yet, and why did they think it was my 18th birthday?
And a big shout out to corvisdog, who celebrated the whole night "out in the crowd" with very, very few incidents and a super calm disposition. Better than I deserved. I think I'm going to like having a 4 year old dog.
And so now I have a clean apartment with a couch, beer, and ice cream cake. And mice.