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August 27th, 2003

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03:38 am - Gah
I'm not sure where I'm at right now. This is probably a good thing.

Seems like somehow my ambition, my lost, bemoaned ambition, came back. A bit atrophied, a bit cloudy, but still... good to have back.

Part of me wonders if it is the whole single thing. It is often echoed that entrepreneurs are categorized as lonely, even the married ones. Maybe part of the drive is the lack of something better and more stable at home. I felt more emotionally stable, more comfortable, when in the relationship. Now, big swings -- but this is met with drive and getting stuff done. Risk-taking on all frequencies.

I'm getting emersed in Botrics again. Did graphics, ran around with research, and now the robots are stylistically branded. Have a better sense of how to help with the numbers. Have a better sense of why I want to make Botrics succeed.

I'm fired up about actually implementing a business bucy and I kicked around a year ago. It seems easily doable, feasible, practical, etc. As we get more data, or hit snags, the idea looks better. Working on a business plan, and getting the latest bits of research for bucy.

Captaining a Fall League team. Running at least a mile, generally more now, everyday. Taking (maybe two) intense MBA classes. Trying to earn my keep at work again. Romping with the dog. Cultivating my latest friendship candidates. Etc. And I seem to be allocating more and more resources at all the tasks I do.

The thing is, I hope it is not the single thing. If it was, that would be convenient, at least -- less effort. But the mood swings generally tend to lonely. And anxiety about meeting someone -- but the drive leads my response to anxiety to be "just do something about it". I'd like to learn how to date. And I'd like to do so without concern that I'd be suppressing my ambition... I think that was one of the things (me, bemoaning loss of intellectual drive) that ommkarja objected to. I don't know, maybe I'll figure out how to reclaim these new lost cycles.

I'll post about my first GSIA class later. It was an odd experience, personally.

Also, fws and I met most of our team yesterday. We have a double header on Monday, the only team to have a double-header in Fall league. Looks like we ended up with an very nice team, and likely to be very competitive. I've already warned them that competition is not my kind of thing.

I'm taking fws to the airport in about 4 hours. Sleep may be in order.

(3 comments | Leave a comment)


Date:August 27th, 2003 05:05 am (UTC)

Single Thing Probably Not

I don't think it's the single thing is as important as you seem to think. I kind of think it's something recent that's been on your mind.

Anyway, it's been 1.5 years or so, post CMU, and it's probably time for things to change, no?
[User Picture]
Date:August 27th, 2003 07:01 am (UTC)

Re: Single Thing Probably Not

I guess. My mom has had the hypothesis that I was just burned out. That seems plausible.
Date:August 27th, 2003 07:01 pm (UTC)
Hmm. I'd never heard entrepreneurs characterized as typically lonely before.

I think that maintaining a relationship is more work than most people initially realize, and raising a family is incredibly time consuming. That by itself could explain why few family-oriented entrepreneurs exist.

Personally, I thought that I would be more efficient/ambitious/etc while living apart from my S.O., but actually I just went out drinking more. Generally speaking, it's hard to balance time commitments, but I don't want to believe that one must be lonely to be driven or successful.

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